Header
Volume 3, No. 11: November 20, 2006

Spam Blues, #2.5

By Michael Bouman

Got a letter this morning, promised me exclusive leads.
Got a letter this morning, promised me exclusive leads;
Said my life had been a vacant lot, overgrown with weeds.

Dear Pay Pal Member, you're Thunderous, Looking good.
Dear Pay Pal Member,
you're Thunderous, Looking good.
Thanks for being a good friend to this charming neighborhood.

Oh, make me a charter veggie; get it on now before it's too late!
I said make me a charter veggie; get it on now before it's too late!
Need software? Do you like? Help me get rid of the pounds you hate.

Women will love your new figure, they've been unhappy with the way you look.
Some women will love your new figure, they've been so unhappy with the way you look;
But you worked up a decision; I'm proud of the step you took.

Effeminate townships, how is everything?
Effeminate townships, how is everything?
Trade me an acceptable hometown, I might even sing.

Down at the Gospel Corral, plastic surgery dentures not quite stuck,
I was in-fighting at the Gospel Corral, plastic surgery dentures not quite stuck;
Bit into a pumpernickel bagel; landslide of bad luck.

It's a superstitious boogie that's borne on a wayward wind.
They say it's a superstitious boogie that's borne on a wayward wind;
Derails that slow train comin' 'round the bend.

Witchcraft! Witchcraft! buzzing 'round my brain;
Witchcraft! Witchcraft! buzzing 'round my leaky brain.
I have this msg for Alice: It was Abel who did in Cain.

Used a redemption revolver, felt sorry until years had passed.
He used a redemption revolver, felt sorry until years had passed;
But he reigned in the Sons of Israel, unfriendly microbe to the last.

Oh, I'm righteousness obsess, gonna join the Spelling Police.
Yes, I'm righteousness obsess, gonna join the Spelling Police;
Write tickets for bad usage, speak the grammar of peace.

They say it's a momentous letter that you require to read.
Some kind of weighty message that you should to read.
You think you need a crane to lift yo' spirits? You ain't begun to bleed.

Want to work stable? You need to buy...
Want to work stable? You need to buy
Questionnaire and mushroom,
give those a try.

PRIZE WINNING NOTICE!!! Give that chasm valve a test!
PRIZE WINNING NOTICE!!! Give that chasm valve a test!
One chin is enough, get rid of all the rest!

Make yourself attractive to others; shiver the newest price.
Make yourself attractive to others; shiver the newest price.
Your favorite games with Watches! Chrome insolvent, skull smoked mice.

She stood in the messenger footlights, they were bright as morning sun.
She was so poised in those messenger footlights, brassy like the evening sun.
But she missed my approval process, I was already headed down the information superhighway 61.

I passed her the nutmeg, flushed a scramble behind him back;
Passed her the nutmeg, flushed a scramble behind him back;
But he faced the reporters anyway. Said, "things should go fine," Yackety-yack.

Just yesterday on a talk show, my darling... I heard someone say.
Yesterday on a talk show, my darling... I heard someone say;
Same old kiwi sensationalism day after day.

Words (were thick, incoherent), warning Americans not to kiss.
In billboard after billboard their words (were thick, incoherent), warning Americans not to kiss.
But you and I were born in star clusters, and besides, your bankroll needs this.

Enjoy Put aside any doubts and stuff...
Enjoy Put aside any doubts and stuff...
Discreet letter-size
doubts? Already left 'em. Cried 'em away right there on the Clarksville bluffs.

I just remembered Lincoln; it was the parking ticket I forgot.
Just remembered Lincoln; it was the parking ticket I forgot.
Think my brain's in split second vacillate mode a lot.

Cosmetologists and psychologists have Momentous letter. You should to read;
Cosmetologists and psychologists have Grand message. You have to read.
Join the thousands of people who got Spinster cold
in their hour of need.

I pass them on the street. They holler, Refinance at 3.5%!
Fun!
they say; Hello! Refinance at 3.5%!
Anybody know chris7870? Anybody know where he or she went?

Emerging from pure dejection, just out I think, yes. Delight!
Think I'm like Dante out of dejection, just out I think, yes. Delight!
FREE $ is ON THE HOUSE!
They say I must continue adjusting my height.

If you're a deprive proletarian, I wish you every success.
Even if you're not, I wish you every success;
As for sending more,
just do what you think bes'.

Collected patrolman, you're part of the fingerprint flock.
Collected patrolman, you're part of the fingerprint flock.
Your underused online giving arrangements can't get me out of hock.

Needlessly, needlessly, I heard the policeman say.
He was sobbing at the fender. Needlessly I heard him say.
I told him rolex mania is down as his partner led him away.

Delia's gone and rolex mania is down.
She's gone, man, Delia, and rolex mania is down.
When it was born hundreds arrived, at the solar
eclipse in new suits of brown.

Only color in the stores; don't think anybody really likes brown.
Shoppers goin' nuts, clothes look like antifreeze; medically brown.
But people gotta have new, least on my side of town.

There was a slay apprentice, he invested in skullcap wealth.
There was a slay apprentice, made a killing in skullcap wealth.
Skipped town by invitation only in silence and stealth.

Next door the retired assassin is writing a long memoir.
He's been a daydreamer persona, now he's writing a long memoir.
It's alphabetically milky, and I fear he won't get far.

He walked the pinch hitter gangplank, breaking the ordinary things.
He walked the pinch hitter gangplank, breaking the ordinary things.
He's on the brink of telling all; I say withdraw your blackbird wings!

He threaded his head so I could see a map.
He threaded his head
so I could see a map;
Didn't blurt to the Purple media, made a life of zap!

Come back Liza, bring me an Auditor and some malt.
Oh, Liza, darlin' girl; bring me an Auditor and some malt.
I'll soon be released; they knew all along that it wasn't my fault.

Hope this is it, cuz if it isn't, I'm in Dutch;
Hope this is it, cuz if it isn't, I'm way, way deep in Dutch.
Don't be a stranger, now; be sure to keep in touch.